A Four Jerk Is Not Cool

            Four tournaments ago, at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, Charlie Wi entered the final round of the Clambake with a three-stroke lead over his nearest challenger, and a four-stroke lead over Phil Mickelson.   But Charlie four-putted on the first green and the rest was history as Lefty roared from a six-shot deficit to a two-shot lead in just six holes, closing  with an 8-under 64 for a two-shot victory. 

Wi Hopes Not To Catch Another Bouquet

            Playing with his old pal Tiger Woods, Phil used 26 putts to post his winning score of 64, and Wi’s four-putt on the first green led to 33 putts in the round and a second place finish for the fifth time in Wi’s career on the PGA tour.  Still a bridesmaid, not a bride, on the Tour, Wi still has won more than $7.7 million during his 17-year career on the PGA Tour, sufficient gelt to purchase the most expensive haute-couture bridal ensembles when he does win.

I Do! I Do!

Interestingly, it was the third straight week on the PGA Tour that the winner started the final round at least six shots behind a 54-hole leader going after his first Tour victory. It’s tough to break your maiden on tour in 2012. 

            In his defense, Wi admitted in a post-round interview that “I started off with a 4-putt and that's probably not very ideal.”  That statement emphatically falls in the understatement of the week category.  Wi went on to say “ I hung back in there and to come back and shoot even par I was pleased. No regrets out there. I know missed some short putts but I know that I'm a good putter. Second place finish, I'm pleased and disappointed that I didn't get to win but my time will come.”  (When it does, we will parody Wi’s accomplishment with the Chambers Brothers “Time Has Come Today”).

            Mickelson and Woods played in the second-to-last group, and Mickelson threw a  beat down on Tiger, finishing 11 shots ahead of Woods.  Mickelson won the Pebble Beach tournament for the fourth time, and became the ninth player in PGA Tour history with 40 wins, but just the second player to reach that milestone in the last 40 years.  (Tiger is the other.)

            As impressive as Mickelson’s 40 PGA Tour wins is, four putts on any hole is quite an accomplishment as well, especially for a pro but even for a duffer.  It’s so special that, like many other facets of the game of golf, there is a special term for that gaggle of missed putts in the golf lexicon.  As the afore-mentioned Rick Reilly wrote in a Sports Illustrated piece in 1988:

I'm Strong To The Finish

Spring is here, the Masters approaches, and something strange and wonderful came in the mail the other day: an invitation to play in my first big pro-am golf tournament. I was nervous about it, so I found the guy at my course who has played in even more pro-ams than Gerald Ford and Tip O'Neill put together—Ned (Two-Dollar) Nassau…. "First thing you've got to know," Two-Dollar said, "is how to talk. You've got to sound like you know what you're doing. Like when you hit it into the rough, you say, 'Damn. Spinach.' "

"Spinach?"

"Right. Now, a three-putt is a 'three-jerk.' And don't ever call the green the green. It's 'the moss.' Out of bounds is 'O'Brien.' And 'juice' is when you get backspin on the ball."

Big Bass From These 88s!

A three-jerk is good, but a four-jerk is truly special.  So, Reilly might call you Joey Threejerk, or Frankie Fourjerk, but just remember, deep inside you are a Cool Jerk cat.  Let me hear some bass with those eighty-eights.  Ah, you’re smoking!

FOUR JERK       

(Cool Jerk - Words and music by Donald Storball

Trio Music Company, Publishers)

Four- jerk, four-jerk, four-jerk, four-jerk

This cat they're talking about

I know it must be me

'Cause I know I'm the worst putter yet

The worst putter that you ever did see

When you see me stabbing on the green

And they laughing and they scream

All the trash talk they wish to dis me with

But they know I'm the king of the four jerks

Ah ha ha

Look at them guys looking at me like I'm a fool

Ah but deep down inside they know four putts rule

I said now,

I said now the moment of truth has finally come

When I was gonna do some, some of that four jerk

All right, now I want to hear a little bit

of the drums by the caddie here

All right, now I want to hear a little bit of

 bass with those double snowmen

All right, now let's hear the caddiemaster fall in

All right now everybody, I see you blastin’

Ah you're cooking, you're smoking

Come on people can you sink it?

 

AMDG

© R. E. Kelly 2012 -2022

 

 

Attribution : 88 mm gun eighty-eight 8.8 cm Flak photo by Joost J. Bakker