I've written previously about a four-jerk (i.e., taking four putts on one green) not being cool. See here. The provenance of the term can be understood thusly:
It’s so special that, like many other facets of the game of golf, there is a special term for that gaggle of missed putts on one hole in the golf lexicon. As the eminent sportswriter Rick Reilly wrote in a Sports Illustrated piece in 1988:
Spring is here, the Masters approaches, and
something strange and wonderful came in the mail the other day: an invitation
to play in my first big pro-am golf tournament. I was nervous about it, so I
found the guy at my course who has played in even more pro-ams than Gerald Ford and Tip O'Neill put together—Ned (Two-Dollar) Nassau…. "First thing you've got to
know," Two-Dollar said, "is how to talk. You've got to sound like you
know what you're doing. Like when you hit it into the rough, you say, 'Damn.
Spinach.' "
"Spinach?"
"Right. Now, a three-putt is a 'three-jerk.'
And don't ever call the green the green. It's 'the moss.' Out of bounds is
'O'Brien.' And 'juice' is when you get backspin on the ball."
A three-jerk is somewhat pedestrian in my circle, and the pros have been known to three-putt on occasion, but a
four-jerk is truly special. However, a five-jerk, well, that stands alone in the golfing performance hierarchy (unless you are Rory McIlroy - google it.) Yesterday at the Masters, Kevin Na hit his tee shot to the front edge of
the green at Redbud, otherwise known to the golfing world as the 16th hole. His long par putt ran 12
feet past the hole. What followed was disastrous. See here
Na walked off Redbud with his dignity intact but his red score as the third
round began merely a distant memory after his triple-bogey.
So, Reilly might call someone like Na a Freddie Fivejerk, but Na should just
remember, deep inside he is a Cool Jerk cat.
Let me hear some bass with those eighty-eights. Ah, you’re smoking!
FIVE
JERK
(Cool Jerk - Words
and music by Donald
Storball
Trio Music Company, Publishers
Copyright The Hudson Bay Music Company
and
Carlin Music Corporation
McLaughlin Publishing Company)
Five-jerk, Five-jerk, Five-jerk, Five-jerk
This
cat they're talking about
I
know it must be me
'Cause
I know I'm the worst putter yet
The
worst putter that you ever did see
When
you see me stabbing on the green
And
they laughing and they scream
All
the trash talk they wish to dis me with
But
they know I'm the king of the five-jerks
Ah
ha ha
Look
at them guys looking at me like I'm a fool
Ah
but deep down inside they know five putts rule
I
said now,
I
said now the moment of truth has finally come
When
I was gonna do some, some of that five-jerk
All
right, now I want to hear a little bit
of
the drums by the caddie here
All
right, now I want to hear a little bit of
bass with those double snowmen
All
right, now let's hear the caddiemaster fall in
All
right now everybody, I see you blastin’
Ah
you're cooking, you're smoking
Come
on people can you sink it?
Copyright
R.E.Kelly 2012-2022
AMDG
Sing along here:
