It's Not Croquet, Duf !

Watch as Jason Dufner recently flubs a putt in the 2013 Franklin Templeton Shootout, hitting the ball like his club is a croquet mallet:  

 

Sticky wicket, eh?  If Dufner never makes it to the World Golf Hall Of Fame, a subject of some controversy which is the topic of my next post, he may be enshrined in the Croquet Hall of Fame. (Yes, there actually is such a thing.  The United States Croquet Hall of Fame is located at the National Croquet Center in West Palm Beach, Florida.  Check it out.)
 

One final thought. Imagine if Tiger had made this silly goof.  His playing partners would not have laughed so openly, and the good folks at the Tiburon Golf Course in Naples, Florida would still be replacing the crater - that had been the putting surface - created by Tiger after his flub.

_AMDG^TM

© 2012-13 R.E. Kelly

Remembering JFK With One Voice, Yankee Stadium, November 24, 1963

There have been numerous articles posted on the likes of SI.com. NFL.com and ESPN.com  concerning the 50^th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on November 22nd.  These articles on the sports-related websites addressed, in part, the fact that then-Commissioner Alvin “Pete” Rozelle decided that the NFL games would be played that given Sunday, November 24, 1963, two days after JFK’s death shocked America and the world.  

Whether you agree with Rozelle’s decision or not, the fact remains the games were played.  And I was there.  And it was an experience I have never forgotten.

A family friend had tickets had season tickets to the New York Football Giants.  They were still a New York team, playing their home games at Yankee Stadium.  Our friend had a sufficient number of tickets that he could invite a few dads and their kids to come to the game on occasion.  I was there that day with my father and the group.  

I was too young to appreciate the issue of playing or not playing NFL games during this emotional time. All I remember is that the stadium was packed.   (Official attendance for the game against the St. Louis Cardinals was 62,992, the largest crowd of the season at that point, according to published reports.)  As always, the Star Spangled Banner was played prior to the game.  This time it was remarkably different.  My memory is that, at that time, it was customary for people in attendance to  stand in silence, hats doffed, hand over heart, while the national anthem was played at sporting events.  That day, the crowd sang the national anthem. The singing reverberated through the air at the stadium.  It was, in a word, stirring. What is now routine, if not traditional, was then simply never done.  Perhaps it was that the stadium was filled mostly with adults from the Greatest Generation, honoring their fallen Commander in Chief, himself a wounded World War II veteran, the experience of the brutality of war not so distant memories for many in attendance, spurring them to song.  I simply don’t know.  And while the stories just written about that Sunday fifty years ago recount the general listlessness of the players that day, the echoes of a somber crowd singing their tribute to their murdered President during our nation’s most important song resound through the home of the brave to this day.

Please rise, and remembering with grave hearts those who have served our country, let us sing our National Anthem:

O say can you see by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

_AMDG

© 2012-2021 R.E. Kelly

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Tiger

Now that some time has passed since the initial article was published and all the parties (and then some) have weighed in on this story, let’s try to take a reasoned look at the brouhaha that has resulted from Brandel Chamblee’s recent article on Golf.com (not on the Golf Channel, an important fact that will be discussed in more detail below) about Tiger Woods.

The timeline of pertinent facts:  

1.  Chamblee, a former PGA player and long-time commentator for the Golf Channel as well as a contributor to Golf.com, authored  an article on golf.com on October 15, 2013, awarding grades to the major golfers from 2013.  He stated that Woods “was a little cavalier with the rules”.  See the article here.  He clearly implicated that Woods had cheated and crossed out a grade of 100 and awarded Woods an F (based on an incident in Chamblee’s childhood when a teacher had caught him cheating and changed the grade on his paper from a 100 to an F).  

This Started It All ...

2.  On October 18, 2013, Woods’ agent Mark Steinberg of Excel Sports Management released a statement to ESPN.com in which he said that he would consider legal action. See the article here.

"There's nothing you can call a golfer worse than a cheater," Steinberg said . "This is the most deplorable thing I have seen."

3.  To date, no lawsuit has been filed.          

4.  On October 22nd, Chamblee issued an apology via Twitter.  He sent out five tweets, which together stated:

What brought me here was the realization that my comments inflamed an audience on two sides of an issue. Golf is a gentleman's game and I'm not proud of this debate. I want to apologize to Tiger for this incited discourse. And no — I was not asked to apologize. My intention was to note Tiger's rules infractions this year, but comparing that to cheating in grade school went too far.

5.  On October 28^th, Tiger Woods called out the Golf Channel to retaliate on his behalf without mentioning Chamblee by name:

All I am going to say is that I know I am going forward," Woods said in Haikou, China, before losing to Rory McIlroy in an 18-hole exhibition match at Mission Hills. "But then, I don't know what the Golf Channel is going to do or not. But then that's up to them. The whole issue has been very disappointing as he didn't really apologize and he sort of reignited the whole situation. So the ball really is in the court of the Golf Channel and what they are prepared to do.

6.  On October 29^th, Rory McIlroy weighed in all the way from China on the controversy:  “Yeah, I think Brandel was completely wrong. I don't think he has the authority to say

Good Heavens!

anything like that about Tiger Woods," McIlroy told the Guardian newspaper. "People wouldn't know who Brandel Chamblee was if it wasn't for Tiger Woods, so yeah, I am completely against what he said and I think he should be dealt with in the right way."  

7.  On October 30^th, Chamblee was interviewed on the Golf Channel.  He indicated he would  resign from his job writing columns for Golf.com and Golf magazine, and acknowledged that he made a "mistake" when he insinuated that Woods had cheated on the PGA Tour.  "There's no way that I could know with 100% certainty what Tiger's intent was in any of those situations," he said. "That was my mistake."  Chamblee had what appears to be the last word, stating that now, “if Tiger and his camp have an issue with something I write, they will at least be yelling at the right people.”

8.  Chamblee is still employed by the Golf Channel.  

Random GolfAlbumBlog Thoughts:

1.  Brandel must have been quaking in his boots this whole time.  Not.

2.  The I’ll Huff And I’ll Puff Department:  Steinberg’s threatened litigation will never happen.  The day that Tiger Woods opens himself up to cross-examination in a courtroom under oath concerning the issue of his own character is the day that Zambonis will be clearing the ice in Hades.

3.  The only oaths Woods utters are the well-documented, foul-mouthed ones on and off the course on a regular basis. (It was reported that Woods flew into a rage in the trailer when informed by the BMW Championship tournament official Slugger White, the Vice President For Rules and Operations of the PGA Tour, that his ball had moved, not oscillated, and a 2-stroke penalty was imposed.  Woods reportedly screamed  at White and Tiger-slammed the trailer walls before storming off without speaking to the press.  See the transcript of the last Q&A of the interview of White the next day on the PGA TOUR website here.)  

3.  Tiger’s agent is either a non-lawyer or has forgotten Libel and Slander 101.  Truth is always a defense.  In addition, in the case of a public figure, the plaintiff must prove actual malice or a reckless disregard for the truth.  Good luck trying to prove actual malice.  And there may have been reckless disregard involving Mr. Woods during the course of his rules violations last season, but not on Chamblee’s part.

4.  Tiger may or may not have cheated on the golf course, depending upon your definition of cheating. See one definition here.   But, as the world knows, cheating, i.e., “transgressions”, off the course is an entirely different matter.  

5.  McIlroy’s statement that a member of the press would not have the “authority” to comment on Woods’ behavior on the golf course is quite strange, reviewed out of context.  However, as an Ulsterman he might be more comfortable than most  with the concept of suppression of voices against authority, as well as the suppression of other freedoms we take for granted here in the good old US of A, which suppression has has occurred for centuries in Northern Ireland.

6.  Messrs. McIlroy and Woods appear on the surface to be strange bedfellows, until you remember the Nike connection.  And of course they now both date famous female athletes.  Not to mention that they both were paid handsomely for an exhibition match in China prior to last week’s WGC-HSBC Champions at Sheshan tournament in Shanghai.  (Industry insiders estimated McIlroy was paid $1.5 million for the exhibition at Mission Hills on Hainan Island in China, with Woods earning more than $2 million. Nice work if you can get it.)

BFFs

7.  Rory, nice of you to defend your buddy, but how about you wake us up when you are contending in a major championship again.  Or you win a tournament, for that matter.

8.   Tiger’s behavior would evidence that he still thinks he is the metaphorical 8oo-pound gorilla in the sport of golf, if not the world in general.  But now he is now back to being the literal 175- pound golfer, after EA sports dumped him as the 15-year face of its computer golf game after a 90 per cent decline in sales in five years. The 2013 version of Tiger Woods PGA Tour has sold just over 300,000 copies so far, compared to 3.39 million in 2008.  (Another McIlroy connection - the 2010 cover of the EA golf game featured another golfer alongside Woods -- Northern Ireland's rising star McIlroy.)  

9.  The EA Sports press release contained a statement from Daryl Holt, VP and GM of Golf at EA Sports which said in part

EA SPORTS golf fans have always loved authentic courses and players, but they've also asked for more choice and customization in how and where they play.  We're working on a new approach to deliver the best golf experience to our fans — we think you'll love it, and so we’re excited to share the first screenshot of our next generation golf game currently in development. 

Two Old Golfers

Next generation?  Next generation!!  In other words, Tiger, YOU’RE OLD!

10.  Woods and his agent tried to put the squeeze on the Golf Channel.  As Chamblee sagely pointed out, they were yelling at the wrong people.   Golf Channel has resisted if not rejected the attempted power play by the newly-defanged Tiger.  Oh no, Tiger will no longer give an  interview on Golf Channel??  Oh, the horror!  Lindsey Vonn might snub the media as the Olympics approach?  (Wring hands and gnash teeth.)  Who cares!  Only the media is obsessed with Tiger Woods.  (Witness the “Tiger Tracker” feature on the ESPN.com Golf website.)   Most golf fans want to see the “next generation” of golfers, the prior generation of golfers or, like the audiences at NASCAR waiting for a crash, see Tiger lose.  

11.  The only Tiger Tracker I want to see is here.

12.  Can we move on, please?  Thank you.  

Let’s get back on the course, because tramps like us, who don’t get paid a million bucks or more to play one round of golf with a friend,  baby we were born just to golf.

BORN TO GOLF

Original Song: Born to Run

© Bruce Springsteen 1975, 2003

In the day we sweat it out on the greens of the runaway American game

At night we play through fairways of glory only in our dreams

Sprung by the starter on the first tee, chrome-domed,

Man, hungover, and steppin' out to play away

Baby this game rips the balls from your bag

It's those sand traps, those suicide traps

We gotta blast out like we're tough

cause tramps like us, baby we were born to golf.

Wendy's lets us in on the way to the course to feed our sub-par vision

Burgers, chili, onion rings and shakes

Now we can wrap our hands round that sand wedge

Together we can beat this game, we'll swing 'til we drop

Baby, we'll always be back

You walk with us out on that grass

Chili and cheese kickin' back some serious gas

Babe you gotta know how it feels

I want to cure my slice

I want to know if golf is real

Beyond the R & A, tow-headed clones scream drives right down the middle

The groupies squint through periscope mirrors,

looking for one to diddle

The scoreboard rises, stark red and black the fans huddle 'round the last green

I want to die with you out on the links tonight but I've a match, A.M. 8:15

HUNH!

The Links are jammed with broken heroes trying to hit one more

power drive

Everybody's out on the course today, there's no place

left to hide

Together, with Wendy's, we can live with the

sadness, the madness

When you can't sink a putt in the hole

Someday, game, I don't know when, we're gonna get

to that place

Where we really wanna go

And we'll never walk in the rough

But 'til then tramps like us, baby, we were born to golf!!

Wuh oh Wuh oh Oh-o

_AMDG^TM

© 2013 R.E. Kelly

Baba Booey’s Poulter-Geist

Himself

Most golf observers are aware of the mashed potatoes phenomenon (see my earlier post, Pass The Mashed Potatoes!, here).  And you golf aficionados who watch tournament broadcasts are also likely to be aware of the new smash hit, yelling Baba Booey after a shot is hit.  All of you should be familiar with Baba Booey.  His real name is Gary Dell’Abate.  He’s the executive producer of the Howard Stern Show, and you all know who Howard Stern is.  His followers have been famous for years for interrupting serious moments, calling in to radio shows pretending to be others, and then saying “Howard Stern” at the end of the bit.  Now this funny scheme has extended to the deadly serious domain of professional golf.

And the pillars of the golf establishment are pushing back to this malevolent threat with all the force that righteousness can muster, to protect that most sacred aspect of the professional game,  i.e., its utter lack of a sense of humor.  (When the time-has-past-him-by Gary McCord and the too-droll-for-words David Feherty are your paragons of your game’s funny bone, you are in deep trouble).  

Ian Poulter in particular is extremely upset by the Baba Booey Phenomenon.

Tazer the Plus Fours!

Following the PGA Championship several weeks ago, Poulter unleashed a flurry of tweets showing his anger toward the Baba Booey calls from fans on the course.

“We should be allowed to take 10,000 volt tazers onto the course and tazer every muppet who shouts out something stupid. I would laugh then.”

“This baba boo s--- & mash potato crap shouting wouldn't happen at Augusta, The Open, nor would it happen at Wimbledon. Tazer the thrushes.”

“I'm calling for @PGATOUR to step in & stop this shouting out right after shots. Message in to @PGATOUR with your thoughts. Tazer them?”

“I have no problem with this Baba Booey it's simple. @pgatour have said they will remove the few that spoil it for the real golf fans.”

“Is this the atmosphere we are asking for in golf. Golf is a game of respect and honesty . Not stupid outbursts. BA Boom.”

“I find it an issue when someone shouts out on impact miss it when your putting. Or when some calls Get in the rough. Simply Disrespectful”

“If you need to be heard on TV at golf tournaments. Can I suggest. Work hard on your game you will be seen & heard at same time. #Simple”

Right.  That’s the simple solution, Taser the bloody hooligans, er, muppets, and then have a good snigger!  Leave it to a Brit twit to tweet that violent punishment for a harmless bit of behavior by golf fans is appropriate.  This in light of the fact that the news division of golf’s premier network (sorry, Johnny Miller and NBC) CBS News has reported in the past that a United Nations committee has indicated  that the use of taser weapons can be a form of torture, in violation of the U.N. Convention Against Torture, and that tasers appear to have the ability to kill people, see here.  Consequently, this suggestion is, well, to be kind, twisted, and certainly not funny.  Just like Poulter’s taste in haberdashery.  See Ian Poulter's Fashion Disasters, here.

Doesn't hurt Donut a bit

Now the establishment’s reaction to this harmless phenomenon has taken a dark turn.  First, a fan was removed from the Barclays’ Fedex Cup golf tournament three weeks ago.  A PGA Tour official confirmed that "A fan was removed for disrupting play as he yelled during Ian Poulter's backswing."  Poulter tweeted that evening “The good news of today was only 1 donut shouted out Baba Booey and he was swiftly removed from the premises.”  Donut??  Presumably this pernicious pastry, this dastardly dunker was taken to the nearby Hudson River and waterboarded within an inch of its life for this serious crime.

So, in honor of Poulter’s British roots, let’s have a sing-along with Monty Python, one of Britain’s greatest creations and the anti-Poulter  when it comes to a sense of humor.  Insert the words “touring pro” for “lumberjack’, think of Ian wearing a nice fur trapper hat and red flannel shirt and have a blast.

_AMDG^TM

© 2012-13 R.E. Kelly