The Golf Album Blog: Parody Lyrics

Ode To Arnold Palmer, The King

The Battle Hymn Of The Re-Publinx

(Battle Hymn of the Republic by Julia Ward Howe)

Mine eyes have seen the glory

of the coming of his horde

They are tramping down the fairways

Where the King of Golf has scored

He hath hitched his fateful trousers

on his terrible swift charge,

His Army marches on.

Chorus:

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His Army marches on.

I have seen him as he's cheered on

by ten thousand circling fans,

he has builded Golf, the modern game

as one of its great champs

We could guess his righteous scoring

by the din of roaring fans;

His Army marches on.

Chorus:

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His Army marches on.

I have known of Arnie's gospel

Writ in burnished irons of steel

Arnie has so few condemners,

Because his grace is real;

Let the golfers born of woman

regard him as the ideal;

His Army marches on.

Chorus:

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His Army marches on.

He has always played a golf game

that never sounded a retreat;

While graying hair means higher scores

his legend grows replete.

Oh! Be swift, my soul to answer him,

be jubilant, my feet!

Our King is marching on.

Chorus:

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His Army marches on.

(Solemnly now)

In the beauty of St. Andrews

Golf was born across the sea

With a glory in Her bosom

Golf transfigures you and me;

As he played to make golf holy

let us sing on the first tee,

While Arnie marches on:

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Our Arnie marches on.

********************************************

SANDIE

(Mandy- Words and Music by Scott English and Richard Kerr; Publishers Morris Music Inc.; Screen Gems-Emi Music Inc.)

I remember all my shots

Raining down as soft as ice

A shadow of a game

A ball through a window

Crying in my beer

The night goes into

Morning, just an awful game

My opponents have their way

Standing in the trap

I swing from memory

I never realized

How happy you made me, oh Sandie

Well you came and you sank no more raking

And I sent you away, oh Sandie

And you kissed me and stopped me from putting

And I need you today, oh Sandie

I'm standing with this wedge of mine

Swung away when turn was mine

Shot up in a swirl, ball uphill climbing

The dirt is in my eyes

And nothing is dropping, oh Sandie

Well you came and you sank no more raking

And I sent you away, oh Sandie

And you kissed me and stopped me from putting

And I need you today, oh Sandie

Lessons are a dream

Now I face the music

Buried in the sand

The club is falling, oh Sandie

Well you came and you sank no more raking

And I sent you away, oh Sandie

And you kissed me and stopped me from putting

And I need you today, oh Sandie

********

FOUR JERK

(Cool Jerk - Words and music by Donald Storball

Trio Music Company, Publishers)

Four- jerk, four-jerk, four-jerk, four-jerk

This cat they're talking about

I know it must be me

'Cause I know I'm the worst putter yet

The worst putter that you ever did see

When you see me stabbing on the green

And they laughing and they scream

All the trash talk they wish to dis me with

But they know I'm the king of the four jerks

Ah ha ha

Look at them guys looking at me like I'm a fool

Ah but deep down inside they know four putts rule

I said now,

I said now the moment of truth has finally come

When I was gonna do some, some of that four jerk

All right, now I want to hear a little bit

of the drums by the caddie here

All right, now I want to hear a little bit of

bass with those double snowmen

All right, now let's hear the caddiemaster fall in

All right now everybody, I see you blastin’

Ah you're cooking, you're smoking

Come on people can you sink it?

*********************************

Ode to Another King - Elvis Has Left The Golf Course

SUSPICIOUS NINES

(Words and music by Mark James (Francis Zambon);

Sony/ATV Songs LLC, Publishers)

(The songwriter, Mark James, not Elvis, did the very first recording of the song in 1968 on the Scepter Label)

I'm caught in a trap; I can't chip out

Because I gambled too much baby

Wait 'til you see what they will do to me

When I go and tell them I can't pay

I can't go on a-playin' these suspicious nines

These low-down and betrayin' suspicious nines

In the rough and the trees, dribbled shots from the tees

I've found every hazard in this pasture

There I go again, put down another ten

I'm losin' more than I made last year

I can't go on a-playin' these suspicious nines

These low-down and betrayin' suspicious nines

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

*********************
When's The Next Swing Plane toAugusta ?

Title: Leaving On A Jet Plane.

Words & Music: H. J. Deutschendorf, Jr. (John Denver)

All my clubs are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here, can’t wait no more
I got to wake you up to say goodbye
The dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The swing coach's waiting, his meter’s on
Already I'm so happy I could cry.

Chorus:
So kiss me and smile for me
Don’t bother to wait up for me
Don’t hold me, please just let me go.

‘Cause I'm workin’ on my swing plane
Don't know if you’ll be back again
Oh, babe, you have to go.

There's so many times you let me down
So many times I've duffed a round
Because of you, I’ve lost tons of bling
Every course I play, I won’t think of you
Every time I swing, I won’t swing like you
If I come back, it means I’ve lost everything.

Chorus:
So kiss me and smile for me
Don’t bother to wait up for me
Don’t hold me, please just let me go.

‘Cause I'm workin’ on my swing plane
Don't know if you’ll be back again
Oh, babe, you have to go.

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Then close your eyes, and I'll be on my way.
Dream about the days gone by
When on the backswing my elbow flies
About those faults, I will gladly say,

Chorus:
So kiss me and smile for me
Don’t bother to wait up for me
Don’t hold me, please just let me go.

‘Cause I'm workin’ on my swing plane
Don't know if you’ll be back again
Oh, babe, you have to go.

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