Chambers (Bay) of Horrors

As the players moan and groan about the conditions at St. Andrews, and particularly their  dissatisfaction with stopping and starting the second round, let’s take one last look at the gripes about Chambers Bay from the golfers, most of whom ironically did not finish within shouting distance of Messrs. Spieth and Johnson:

Original Song:  Jim Dandy (Made famous by Black Oak Arkansas)

Songwriter/ Composer – Lincoln Chase (Also wrote “The Name Game”)

Publishers:       Embassy Music Corporation

                        Unichappell Music Inc.

Pro golfers hate the fescue!
Pro golfers hate the fescue!

Like putting on some broccoli!
Go, Gary Player! Go, Ian Poulter!

I was standing on a tee box.
250 feet to drop.
Might as well be on a runaway horse
Man I can’t stand this golf course.
Pro golfers hate the fescue!
Go, Henrik Stenson! Go, Billy Horschel!

One day, I met a guy named Rory.
He was feeling kind of sorry.
I'm a Dandy, the kind of guy
Who can't stand to see a pro golfer cry.
Pro golfers hate the fescue!
Go, Graeme McDowell! Go, Mr. Chris Kirk!

Pro golfers hate the fescue!
Pro golfers hate the fescue!

This tournament’s a tragedy!
Go, Gary Player! Go, Henrik Stenson!

Pros putting on a crazy green
Poa annua messing up the scene.
Kentucky bluegrass is just a weed.
Jones Junior’s course does the dirty deed!
Pro golfers hate the fescue!
Go, Gary Player! Go, Ian Poulter!

Once upon a time, I went to Maine.
Got a ticket on a DC plane.
Mr. Dandy didn't need no chute!
I was high and ready to boot!
Jim Dandy to the rescue!

Once upon a time, pros played the Bay.
Not coming back any day,
Mr. Woods  didn't make the cut!
The Bear is safe, it’s a natural fact!

Pro golfers hate the fescue!
Pro golfers hate the fescue!

Like putting on some broccoli!
Go, Gary Player! Go, Ian Poulter!

AMDG

Blowin' In The Wind, The Open Style

In honor of the conditions this morning at the Home of Golf, with a tip of the advertisement-festooned visor to the greatest of them all, Bob Dylan:

How many times  must a man tee off
Before he completes a round ?

How many greens must a white ball sail
Before it ends in the sand ?

Yes, how many times must the air horn cry
Before they're allowed to play ?

The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is howlin' in the wind.

Yes, how many years can a Watson compete  
Before he waves the last time ?

Yes, how many years can a Brit try to win
Before he’s allowed to hoist the jug ?

Yes, how many times can Bobby Jones turn his head
Hoping the winner is Speith ?

The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is howlin' in the wind.

Yes, how many times must Dustin launch it
Before he wins a big one?

Yes, how many caps must one man wear
Before he can play St.Andrews ?

Yes, how many chunks will it take till Tiger knows
That his storied  career has died ?

The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is howlin' in the wind.

Songwriters: BOB DYLAN

Blowin' In The Wind lyrics © BOB DYLAN MUSIC CO

                                      Copyright R.E.Kelly 2012-2017
                                                   AMDG  

The Alchemist's View of Chambers Bay

Robert Trent Jones,Jr., the architect of Chambers Bay,the site of the disastrous (from the golfers' and fans' perspective, in any event) U.S. Open, was quoted in the Washignton Post concerning the course this way:

“H.L. Mencken said, ‘The West begins where the rainfall ends,’ ” Jones said. “To me, this all-fescue course is beautiful. In spring, it’s silver green. At the summer solstice, which comes this weekend, it turns to summer gold, an alchemist’s change.”

And when he gazes around, what does he see? There are bald eagles that sometimes land in that one lone tree (on the course) and a pod of orcas frolic in the sound.

“I see a violent nature meeting an industrial site,” he said.

Yikes.  Jones is no Merlin, and most of us will welcome the U.S.Open's return to a more traditional venue next year at Oakmont.

AMDG

: