Funky, (Bitterly) Cold Medinah

This is what the fuss is all about

In September 1987, I happened to be traveling in the Auld Sod.  It was Sunday night in Ireland, we were hungry and thirsty (mostly thirsty), so we stopped in a pub in Killarney for refreshment.  Expecting a quiet night before the work week started, we walked in and the place was packed and in fact, was going bonkers.  Expecting a soccer match or perhaps rugby, I was surprised to see there was golf on the telly.  All this ruckus for a golf tournament?  I asked the Irish gentlemen next to me what all the commotion was about and, looking incredulous, he informed me it was the Ryder Cup and it looked like Europe was going to win.  Now, as an American and a golf fan, it speaks volumes that I had to ask what was on TV.  But I was startled by the unbridled enthusiasm exhibited by the crowd.  Back home at that time, a golf tournament was watched on TV with all the enthusiasm of a funeral, not like it was the Super Bowl.    

And of course, on that date the Euros pulled off one of the great victories in golf history.  The European team won the Cup for the first time ever on American soil.  And they did it at Muirfield Village in Dublin, Ohio, a course famously designed by Jack Nicklaus, who ironically was the captain of the American team (and who had urged that the British Cup team be expanded from Great Britain to all of Europe).  And the roars were heard all over Ireland when Irishman Eamonn Darcy, who previously had failed to win a Ryder cup match in ten tries, managed in his singles match to defeat Ben Crenshaw by one hole to gain the Europeans a critical point.

I believe I was representative of most American golf fans at that point in time, who simply weren’t concerned about losing to a bunch of Europeans in an exhibition match.  At that time the Ryder Cup had all the significance of Der Bingle’s annual Clam Bake at Pebble Beach, the Publinx Open or your local club championship.  But on the other side of the pond, you would have thought the Second Coming was about to happen.

Of course, all of that has changed.  Perhaps the turning point was the War at the Shore, the unforgettable ending of the the American victory in the 1991 Ryder Cup at Kiawah Island.  Whatever the catalyst, now Americans pay attention, and patriotic, if not jingoistic, feelings abound.  But those feelings will never reach the fervor exhibited in an Irish pub in 1987, and which still prevails all over Ireland, Great Britain and Europe today.

That’s why the Euros were 9-3 in Ryder Cup matches since 1985.  That’s why they won the Cup this year with an incredible comeback.  And that’s why should always be favored to win the Ryder Cup.  Europe always has and always will WANT IT MORE.  The late, great Seve Ballesteros epitomized the competitive desire of the Europeans, which was channeled through the Euros’ captain this year, Jose Maria Olazabol.  Oh, and our pampered spoiled players are choking dogs.  The USA side plays great in the team sessions, the four-balls and foursomes and foursquares and fourjerks, but line them up, one on one, mano a mano, and they wilt like four-day-old roses.  

Funky and cold

And that’s too bad, because the Sunday singles matches are the key to winning the Cup, at least for the good ol’ U S of A.  In fact, since the Europeans were allowed to compete for the Cup in 1979 the USA has won 55% of the singles matches.  However, since 2002, when the Euros began their latest 4-2 Cup run, the Euros have won nearly 60% of the singles matches.  And since 1979, in 17 tries the Americans have never won the Cup without winning the individual matches as well.  (The Euros have won the Cup four times without winning the singles matches on the final day.)  


Even an unrepentant soul such as Tiger Woods apologized to several of his Ryder Cup teammates for his inability to deliver more points during the U.S. defeat this year.  The news media reported that Woods revealed during a recent news conference that he sought out U.S. rookies Webb Simpson, Brandt Snedeker, Jason Duffner and Keegan Bradley after the American team squandered a 10-6 advantage built up the first two days and lost 14½ to 13½ on Sunday.

The original Medinah; needs sprinklers

He should have apologized.  The top qualifier on the U.S. team, Woods went 0-3-1, his Sunday half in his singles match coming after the Europeans already had retained the Cup.  Overall, Woods  went 0-3 in team play with Steve Stricker, a parody of a clutch golfer, himself a disgraceful 0-4 overall.  Woods saw his career Ryder Cup record drop to 13-17-3.

But get this.  Woods, who has played on seven U.S. Ryder Cup teams, with just one victory, disputed the long-held notion that the Americans don't care enough about the Ryder Cup.
He was quoted as saying "That's because you weren't in the team room, you weren't on the team," said Woods, now ranked as No. 2 in the world.  "It has been the same since I first played in 1997. That hasn't changed. We have always been a great team unit. No loss feels good, whether that is in a Presidents Cup or Ryder Cup."

The Man, Cold Coolin' with the FCM

Hye-larious.  “No loss feels good.” Can’t you just feel the emotion pouring out, the devastating feeling of losing the Cup?  Come on, Eldrick, couldn’t you give us just one “Losing the Cup kills you.”  Or how about a “Losing the Cup for the USA rips the heart right out of your chest.”   Because unless every member of the USA team actually feels that way, that half-hearted sentiment will never be enough on the final day against a European squad of 12 players who will always, always want it more.  Even at home, playing on the Funky, (Bitterly) Cold Medinah.

Funky Cold Medinah (Parody)
 Songwriter(s): Young MC, Michael L. Ross, Matt Dike

 Copyright © 1989 Delicious Vinyl
Alright, dig it

Cold coolin at the Cup, USA lookin for redemption

But like Mike Jagger said, USA can't get no satisfaction

The Euros hung around, and none of them gave up on victory

Our threads were fresh, USA’s lookin def, yo, what's up with DL III?

The fans is all jockin all around the green

Havin drinks and cheerin’ like they’re champs, thinkin’ that USA’s the star

Fans so pumped up, USA wins at every match the first two days

The golf gods smiled, USA so fly? You’re at Funky Cold Medinah

Funky Cold Medinah

This brother told me a secret on how to get the Cup

Put Funky Cold Medinah in your roto,  and the birdies'll come real quick

It's better than any alcohol or swing plane golf tip

A couple of trips on this lovely course, and the Cup'll be in the bag

So four-balls and foursomes came and went

And the USA team did the wild thing for two days

USA scratched and clawed and bit, our game was so much keener,

But now all the Euros run for cover on the Funky Cold Medinah

You know what I'm sayin?

I got every golfer on the home team holing every putt

I got Keegan, Mickelson

Bubba and Webbs

Crushin Euros big time on that Medinah, pal

So we woke up Sunday, positioned for the Dagg-ah

I thought USA'd be good to go on the friendly Funky Cold Medinah

4.5 is all we need,  I said, Ok USA go get it

Lineups were all set, front  to back, and I knew that USA was with it

Bubba, Webb, Keegs and Phil, DLII had a leadoff plan

Big guns in the middle, Kooch and Stricken in the end, and Tiger was the man

DLII threw them out, didn’t fool around like no Oscar Meyer wiener

Cap was sure that the lineup was pure for the Funky Cold Medinah

You know, ain't no losin man to man

This is our year, and USA down and very rowdy

Ya know?

Break it down

Rory back in the cruiser, rushin’ for tee time action

First four matches go Euro, USA feelin no connection

The Euro fans roared, and began to think they backed  the winners

Lawrie beat B-Sned, Sergio stuns Furyk, Euros eatin USA for dinner

USA made a few putts, we’re thinkin we’re right back in it

Then Stricken gagged and Caymer stuck it

Euros cried, We keep the Cup! Hugs and bubbly, tears and stogies, we’ll be seein ya

That's why USA found you don't win a Cup at the Funky Cold Medinah

Ya know what I'm sayin

That Medinah's a monster, y'all

Funky Cold Medinah

_AMDG^TM

© 2012 R.E. Kelly