Another Taylor Swift Hit Single

Well, Taylor Swift has broken up with her most recent beau.  Knock me over with a feather.  Her latest dumpee, Harry Styles, of the boy band One Direction (another Simon Cowell production), never had a chance. According to numerous media reports, including US Weekly and HollywoodLife, Swift and Styles (dubbed “Haylor” in the gossip media)  were vacationing after New Years on Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands when Styles got drunk and left Taylor on their boat for a few hours without telling her where he was going.  When Styles returned, Taylor was furious at him and flew home to the States alone shortly thereafter.    

Recovering nicely

So Styles joins the long (and growing) list of former Swift beaus, which includes John Mayer, Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, Conor Kennedy  and Jake Gyllenhaal. Impressive. 

Based on the evidence to date, it seems Taylor Swift is the most self-absorbed superstar, like, ever.

And that’s, like, saying something.

She raises solipsism to a new level.  The world doesn’t just revolve around her, it is her. Her songs all seem to be about her relationships now, and the titles and lyrics of her songs repeatedly reveal her notion of relationships as possession.  Here are some examples: “Christmases When You Were Mine” (“I know this shouldn't be a lonely time, But there were Christmases when you were mine; “Mine” ( “You are the best thing that’s ever been mine. )

Not surprisingly, hell hath no fury like a Taylor scorned.  "I've always lived by the theory that if a guy doesn't want me to write a bad song about him, he won't do bad things," she told Us Magazine in 2010. "And he shouldn't, you know?"

True to this philosophy, sample these revenge lyrics penned by the scorned Swift (with Liz Rose) for her eponymous 2006 album “Taylor Swift”:

State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine you won't mind if I say [music video version line]
By the way...

[Chorus:]
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn

There's no time for tears,
I'm just sitting here planning my revenge
There's nothing stopping me
From going out with all of your best friends
And if you come around saying sorry to me
My daddy's gonna show you how sorry you'll be.

Ouch!

A Dish Best Served Cold

And her idea of a fight is a real screaming match.  Check out the video for her latest No.1 hit “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"”.  The fight she describes in the lyrics is portrayed in the video as she rides with her beau in a car, and she is SCREAMING at him.  Check it out.

I sure hope (for the guy’s sake) that Swift never hooks up with a true linkster. Everyone knows about the woman left home while the guy golfs.  The term is golf widow.  Some women take up the game so as not to be left behind.  Some are just as glad hubby is gone for the afternoon.

Some men figure that playing golf with their significant other is the perfect solution.  Spending extra time on the weekend with the S.O. will strengthen and deepen the relationship between the two.  Other men feel the same way, that not playing golf with the S.O. will strengthen and deepen the relationship between the two.

I Got To Leave You Home

I have a strong suspicion about Taylor’s opinion of this situation.  Having to wait all day Saturday and Sunday every weekend for her beau to come home from 8 hours of golf, a game of cards and the 19^th hole will likely inspire not only bitter breakups but many revenge lyrics as well.  For the world’s sake, Taylor, TAKE UP THE GAME OF GOLF!  Otherwise, she’ll be a Hacked Golfer’s Widow, all right.

BLACK MAGIC WOMAN

Songwriter/composer;  Peter Green/Alan Alan

Publisher: Murbo Music Publishers Inc.

HACKED GOLFER’S WIDOW

I got a Hacked Golfer’s Widow.

I got a Hacked Golfer’s Widow.

Yes, I got a Hacked Golfer’s Widow

She's got me so blind I can't swing;

Yes she's a Hacked Golfer’s Widow and

she's trying to make a hacker out of me.

Don't write a song ‘bout me, baby.

Don't write a song ‘bout me, baby.

Yes, don't write a song ‘bout me, baby,

Don't mess around with your lyrics;

Don't write a song ‘bout me, baby,

'cause you might just foul up my golfin’ sticks.

You will still yell at me, baby.

You will still yell at me, baby.

Yes, you will still yell at me, baby,

Turnin' my game into stone;

I need golf so bad,

Golf Widow I got to leave you home.  

AMDG

 

© R.E. Kelly 2012-2021