He's B-A-A-A-CK!

Tiger Woods is back.  He will play in his own Quicken Loans National Tournament this weekend at the famed Congressional Country Club course in suburban Washington, D.C.  Read  the venerable columnist Thomas Boswell's take on Tiger's return here.   Boswell details Woods' injury and rehabilitation history with his usual insightful analysis.  Woods has always pushed himself harder than the average athlete, never mind golfer, with the resultant injuries to his body coming as no surprise.  Boswell seems skeptical of Woods' apparent, newly-found commitment to self-preservation and acknowledgement of the inevitable superiority of Father Time, which is likely whistling past the graveyard on Woods' part. We will all see this weekend if Tiger has been truthful with himself about the state of his health.  For what it's worth, I would be surprised if Woods completes the tournament, and even more surprised if he finishes in the top ten on Congressional's lengthy and challenging track. I certainly will not be selecting Woods for my Fantasy Golf tournament lineup this week.

_AMDG^TM

© 2014 R.E. Kelly

The Most Honorable Man In Sports

Here’s the link to a moving article by Ian O’Connor, one of my favorite sports journalists (a New Yorker, of course).  His piece concerns a golfer who disqualified himself from participating in the U.S. Open Championship at Pinehurst this weekend after qualifying for the tournament.  Golf remains the only major sport where an honor code exists and self-policing remains an integral part of the game.  All of us can learn a lesson from the honesty of Jason Millard.

_AMDG^TM

© 2014 R.E. Kelly

Happy Father's Day!

Today is a special day to celebrate with the person responsible for half your genetic makeup and hopefully most of the fatherly nurturing in your life.  If you are lucky you will get to spend the afternoon with your dad.  If you are really lucky, you will get to spend today on the links with your dad.  In any event, make sure to give him a call.  I wish I could.  Love you, Dad.

The Golden Bear’s Majors Record Preservation Society Quarterly Meeting

All right, gentlemen, let’s get started.  Hear ye, hear ye, with the 2014 U.S. Open about to begin at Pinehurst No. 2, the second meeting of The Golden Bear’s Majors Record Preservation Society in the year 2014 will now come to order.  (Gavel slams on banquet table, drinks spill, another round quickly ordered.)  Mr. Hogan, are all the former champions here? 

Yes, Mr. Jones.  No bridesmaids were invited, so Mr. Mickelson, the King of the Bridesmaids, is not here.  I am not one given to speechifying, but we wish Mr. Mickelson good luck this week as he seeks his first Open win.  He’s not likely to win given his recent troubles (Vegas odds are heavy that he will be indicted for insider trading before he wins a U.S. Open) , but we will be rooting for him anyway.

Also I would be remiss if I did not give a special greeting to Mr. Stewart. Your exciting victory at Pinehurst in 1999 still resonates with this crowd and all of golf.  The game misses you.  God bless you, sir.  

The Logo

Thank you, Mr. Hogan.   So, let’s be brief.  Mr. Woods is still incapacitated and will not participate in this tournament this year, so, Slammin’ Sammy, are you good?

Yes, Mr. Jones.  Safe and sound with my 82 wins.

Mr. Nicklaus, you of the game with which I am still not familiar, are you good with your 18 wins?

Yes, Bobby, I am.

All right then.  We are convened until we meet again in July across the pond at Royal Liverpool and do the Hpylake with all the Liverpudlians. 

I'm An Eighteen

Speaking of eighteen, the following is a parody of one of Rock’s great golfers, Vincent Damon

Furnier, er, Alice Cooper,  and one of his best songs, which, while an anthem of teen angst, way before its time,  perfectly presages Woods’ struggles to break the most impressive of golf’s records. 

I'M EIGHTEEN (Original Song)

Songwriter/Composer:

Michael O. Bruce

Glen Buxton

Alice Cooper

Dennis Dunaway

Neal A. Smith

Publishers

BMG Platinum Songs US

EMI Blackwood Music inc.

Ezra Music Corp.

Third Palm Music

IN NEED EIGHTEEN (Parody)

Lines form on my face and hands

Lines form don’t get up and down

I'm stuck in neutral without any wins

I'm a boy and Jack’s the man

I need eighteen and I sure know what I want

Eighteen, I just don't know if I can

Eighteen, I got to past the Bear

I gotta get out of this space,

I'll go gunnin' at Augusta next, woh yeah!

I've got a Tiger’s brain, miss my old man's heart

Took thirty-eight years to get this far

Don't always know what my swing is about

Feels like I'm living in the downswing of doubt

'Cause I need eighteen, I get confused ev'ry game

Eighteen, I just don't know how to play

Eighteen, I've got to make my way

Lines form on my face and my hands

Time squeezes from the left and right

I'm in the middle, the middle of life

I was a boy and now an old man

I'm at fourteenI don't like it

Don't like it

Woh, I like it, love it, like it, love it

Eighteen, eighteen, eighteen, eighteen, woh!

I need eighteen I can’t take it

Yes I need it

Woh, I want it, need it, want it, need it

Eighteen, eighteen, eighteen, eighteen, woh!

And I need it

Yes eighteen

And I want it

Yes eighteen

Yes, I need it

Yes eighteen

Woh, I want it

I need eighteen

And I want it

Yes eighteen

Woh, I want it, need it, want it, need it, want it, need it, want it

I need it

I need it

I need it

                                                                                         

_AMDG^TM