Happy New Year 2019 !

Whether the world knows it or not, a large swath of humanity pays homage to Robert Burns, the poet laureate of Scotland, when celebrating the New Year.  His poem and song, Auld Lang Syne, written in 1788, will be sung at midnight by hundreds of millions of people around the globe, and I would guess that only a minuscule percentage of those revelers will know who wrote it and what it means. (The phrase Auld Lang Syne can be roughly translated as “old times” or “days gone by”.)

While I could find no reference to Robert Burns playing golf during a quick trip through the Internet, I believe he was a sportsman, as he was a member of the Royal Company of Archers in 1792.  And Burns was born in Ayrshire, home of several of the world’s greatest courses (Royal Troon, Turnberry and Prestwick Golf Club, the home of the first Open Championship).  

The best-laid schemes...

While the game of golf predates Auld Lang Syne by centuries (the first documented mention of golf in Scotland appears in a 1457 Act of the Scottish Parliament, an edict issued by King James II of Scotland prohibiting the playing of the games of golf and football  as these were a distraction from archery practice for military purposes) it’s hard to imagine a true Scotsman who does not (and for many centuries did not) have golf in his blood.  So give a passing thought to  Rabbie (not Rabbi) Burns when you drunkenly warble his melancholy tribute to days gone by at midnight tonight, and dream later of making memories in the future from rounds of golf played with friends and family.

Here are the original words to perhaps the world’s most famous poem:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne.?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stoup!
and surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pou'd the gowans fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit,
sin' auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,
frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
sin' auld lang syne.

Copyright R.E. Kelly 2012-2018

AMDG

Happy Birthday, Tiger

As Woods celebrates his 43^rd birthday today, let’s not forget that today is also the birthday of other sports heroes:  LeBron James (turning 34 years of age), Carson Wentz, Sandy Koufax, one of baseball’s greatest pitchers, and Pete Martine, fantasy football general manager extraordinaire.  Two of my favorite societies, the Golden Bear’s Majors Record Preservation Society and the Slammin’ Sam Snead All-Time PGA Victories Leader Preservation Society, also wish Tiger Happy Birthday, and wish him well in 2019, but not that well.

© 2012-18 R.E. Kelly

AMDG

Alone Again, Naturally

Can you feel it?  The buzz, I mean.  Yes, the sporting event we have all been waiting for is upon us. Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson meet in "The Match," their $9 million winner-take-all, pay-per-view event at the Shadow Creek Golf Course in Las Vegas  in just two days. Oooh-weee, I’m excited. For a mere $19.95, I can watch two guys who infamously hated each other for years (their pairing in the 2004 Ryder Cup by captain Hal Sutton is legendary as one of the great disasters in golf history) schmooze their way around 18 holes while Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley (maybe the worst golfer ever – check out his horrible swing out here) yuk it up with their commentary during the match.  (Where’s The Jet when you need him.)

To put this all in context,  the Associated Press previously reported that when Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson meet in "The Match," their $9 million winner-take-all, pay-per-view event in Las Vegas on November. 23^rd , they will be playing in front of a sparse crowd.  That’s because  there won't be any tickets sold to the event. Instead, only a small group of sponsors and VIPs will be allowed on the course when the two veterans meet at Shadow Creek, which is owned by MGM Resorts International.  Others present will be broadcasters and camera crews.

            The Las Vegas Review-Journal, citing multiple sources, has reported hat there won't be any tickets sold to the event. Instead, only a small group of sponsors and VIPs will be allowed on the course when the two veterans meet at Shadow Creek, which is owned by MGM Resorts International.

            Others present will be broadcasters and camera crews. The event is believed to be the first pay-per-view golf event; WarnerMedia holds the broadcast rights.

            The newspaper also reported that Woods and Mickelson will face off during daylight hours and not under the lights, as Mickelson had implied in comments to ESPN.com in August.

            "It's an opportunity for us to bring golf to the masses in prime time during a period where we don't have much going on in the world of golf," Mickelson said at the time.

Comment: After their recent performance in the 2018 Ryder Cup, where Woods and Mickelson (both octogenarians in golf years)  went a combined  0-6 in their matches against the victorious Euros, perhaps they are better off not selling tickets. Who wants to see them flail around the golf course, anyway?  Especially if there are no fans to add a little spice to their encounter.  Of course, given Tiger’s historical lack of concern for the golfing public, it’s not surprising he would not want a full gallery following the two geriatric  golfers around the course, as much fun as it might be for the gallery and for those handful of those folks (not me) watching at home.

Come On!

 

Oh, and the so-called smack talk between the two, with the attendant video to plug the event, is tragic.  You’ve been inside Phil’s head for years, Tiger, really?  The only thing occupying space between Lefty’s ears is a thought about how much to action to take on the Michigan – Ohio State game this Saturday, and other gambling matters.  

As the title of this post suggests, I thought it might be appropriate in light of the logistics surrounding the coverage of The (so-called) Match  to parody the Gilbert O'Sullivan classic “Alone Again, Naturally”.  However, after reviewing the depressing lyrics (the protagonist is alone again because his fiancée has left him standing at the altar), I decided to move on to a less depressing song. And actually, the lyrics to this song need no parodying.  Just think of Tiger and Phil, strolling down the Shadow Creek fairways, joined together in their fading careers, in their Ryder Cup hopelessness (no golfers have lost more Ryder Cup matches, with Phil edging out Tiger, 22-21) and in their love for the almighty buck, with no one around to bother them except Ernie, Sir Charles, Peter Jacobsen, aka Jake Trout, and a few others.  It’s a beautiful thing.

So, sing along with Tommy James and the Shondells and their 1967 hit, “I Think We’re Alone Now.”:

Children behave, that's what they say when we're together
And watch how you play
They don't understand
And so we're

Running just as fast as we can, holding on to one another hands
Trying to get away into the night and then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground and then you say

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

Look at the way we gotta hide what we're doin'
'Cause what would they say
If they ever knew
And so we're

Running just as fast as we can, holding on to one another hands
Trying to get away into the night and then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground and then you say

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't…

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

Running just as fast as we can, holding on to one another hands
Trying to get away into the night and then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground and then you say

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

I think we're alone now,
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

Songwriter: Ritchie Cordell

Publisher:  EMI Longitude Music


                                                    AMDG
                                     Copyright 2012-2018 R.E. Kelly

You Gotta Bellerive!!

Here are some fearless predictions for the Centennial 2018 PGA Championship to be held at Bellerive Country Club in steamy St. Louis, Missouri this weekend:
1.  It will be hot.
2.  It will be very hot.  And humid.
3.  Tiger Woods will not win.
4.  Tiger Woods will not win a tournament in which he has to use driver on a regular basis (Woods competed at the recent Open at Carnoustie because the condition of the course allowed golfers to use irons off the tee and still attain remarkable distance on the tee shots.  Bellerive offers no such luxury.)

5.  Every pundit is predicting the long hitters have a real advantage at Bellerive, and I am no exception. Give me Rory McIlroy or Dustin Johnson, with Tony Finau (everyone's favorite dark horse) as the potential holders of the Wanamaker Cup.
6.  Jordan Spieth will not get his career slam this year, unfortunately. (I like Spieth, but I don't t believe he has the firepower to take down Bellerive this year.)   
7.  Thia is the last year that the PGA Championship will be the caboose of the four golf major tournaments.  Scheduled for May 13-19, 2019, at Bethpage State Park's Black Course, the PGA Championship will be the second major played in the 2019 tournament schedule, five weeks after the Masters Tournament and five weeks before the U.S. Open. This is  a huge change in the scheduling and tradition of golf.  The law of unintended consequences always rears its ugly head, so it is likely that the earlier PGA Championship may have serious consequences upon the way that the U.S. Open is viewed, and may increase the popularity of the Open Championship (if that is even possile) as a result.  Imagine a golfer having to win the Open Championsip to complete the Grand Slam, as winds blow and rain pelts the field.  What a glorious circumstance that would be.  Thank you, PGA, for making this change and enhancing the relevance of the caboose next year.

Enjoy!

                                                    AMDG
                                     Copyright 2012-2018 R.E. Kelly

 
 

Happy Father's Day 2018

Today is a special day to celebrate with the person responsible for half your genetic makeup (in most cases) and, for most of us, all of the fatherly nurturing in your life.  If you are lucky you will get to spend the afternoon with your dad or father figure.  If you are truly blessed,  you will get to spend today on the links with your dad.  In any event, make sure to give him a hug or at least a call.  I wish I could.  Love you with all my heart, Dad.

Love You, Geno!

                            Copyright R.E. Kelly 2012-2018
                                       AMDG

What Do Tiger Woods, Jordan Spieth, Rory Mcilroy, Ernie Els And Bubba Watson All Have In Common?

They are all multiple winners of golf’s four major tournaments who will be sitting with Tiger on his dinghy (after two dingy rounds of golf on Thursday and Friday) watching the final two rounds of the U.S. Open off the shores of Shinnecock Hills Golf Club in Southampton New York. Six other winners of golf’s major championships will be joining Captain Woods and his buddies on the Minnow, for a total of eleven major champions who missed the cut at this year’s Open.  (Between them, these former champions won 33 major titles.)  Balancing the scales, eleven major champions made the cut, but holding only sixteen titles between them.  (Mickelson and Zach Johnson (?) are the only golfers with multiple majors titles who made the cut, while five of the eleven who failed to make the cut were multiple  winners of golf’s major tournaments.   Mickelson was the second-oldest majors’ winner to make the cut at Shinnecock Hills; Jim Furyk is his elder by 35 days.)

 

Will Anyone Finish Under Par?

That’s one tough golf course, that Shinnecock Hills 2018. Enjoy the rest of the championship.

AMDG

Copyright R.E. Kelly 2012-2018

Time To Stop And Smell The Azaleas Again

I have some final thoughts before the 2018 Masters Tournament begins.
-The Augusta National Golf Club, the famous host of the Masters, has announced that it wil also host the first annual Augusta National Women's Amateur Championship in  2019.  While this move is perhaps intended to soften the club’s image concerning its less-than distinguished policy concerning women members  at the club (the first woman member was only allowed to join the club in 2012), as always the devil is in the details.  For instance the first 36 holes of the 54-hole tournament will not be played at Augusta National; rather the majority of the tournament wil be played at a neighboring club.  In addition, the tournament will end on Saturday to make way for the prestigious finals of the National Drive, Putt and Chip Competition (!) to be held the next day before Masters week starts.  The expression “lipstick on a pig” comes to mind.

-The ceremonial first drive to open the tournament, a wonderful tradition that should be repeated for every major tournament, will have a hole in its heart today.  We miss you, Arnie. 

-Speaking of golf”s greats,  how cool is it that Tom Watson won the annual Par Three Tournament at Augusta  this year.  If he had only hit a nine-iron instead of an eight at the final hole at Turnberry in 2009, his possible victory at the Open Championship at age 59 would have been perhaps the greatest victory in a championship in the history of sports, never mind just golf.

-Okay, predictions:
    -Rory McIlroy will complete his career Grand Slam with a victory by three strokes in the 2019 Masters. 
    -Tiger Woods will dominate media coverage and will flort with the leaderboard early in the tournament but will fade as his 42-year old, surgically repaired body and faulty driver fail him in the final 36 holes.
    -Two-time winner Bubba Watson will also flirt with victory and will finish second. 
    -Phil Mickelson will flirt (lots of flirting today) with surpassing Jack Nicklaus and becoming the  oldest winner of one of golf’s major championships, but like his old buddy Tiger, will fade in the end, gambling and as usual, losing, dumping his second shot in the drink at the 15th hole (named Firethorn for you Augusta National aficionados.)  

Enjoy the tournament.

Copyright R.E. Kelly 2012-2018
AMDG

A Five Jerk Is Not Cool

Rory McIlroy is making his first appearance in the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am this weekend.  He may wish he had stayed home in Ireland after his five-putt double bogey during Friday’s round.

Now five putts on any hole is quite an accomplishment as well, especially for a pro but even for a duffer. I’ve written about it here.   It’s so special that, like many other facets of the game of golf, there is a special term for that gaggle of missed putts in the golf lexicon.  As the aforementioned Rick Reilly wrote in a Sports Illustrated piece in 1988: 

Spring is here, the Masters approaches, and something strange and wonderful came in the mail the other day: an invitation to play in my first big pro-am golf tournament. I was nervous about it, so I found the guy at my course who has played in even more pro-ams than Gerald Ford and Tip O'Neill put together—Ned (Two-Dollar) Nassau…. "First thing you've got to know," Two-Dollar said, "is how to talk. You've got to sound like you know what you're doing. Like when you hit it into the rough, you say, 'Damn. Spinach.' "

"Spinach?"

"Right. Now, a three-putt is a 'three-jerk.' And don't ever call the green the green. It's 'the moss.' Out of bounds is 'O'Brien.' And 'juice' is when you get backspin on the ball."

A three-jerk is good, but a four-jerk is truly special.  (And a five-jerk, well, just call it a McIlroy.)  So, Reilly might call you Joey Threejerk, or Frankie Fourjerk, but just remember, deep inside you are a Cool Jerk cat.  Let me hear some bass with those eighty-eights.  Ah, you’re smoking!

FOUR JERK       

(Cool Jerk - Words and music by Donald Storball

Trio Music Company, Publishers

Copyright The Hudson Bay Music Company and

Carlin Music Corporation

McLaughlin Publishing Company)

Four- jerk, four-jerk, four-jerk, four-jerk

This cat they're talking about

I know it must be me

'Cause I know I'm the worst putter yet

The worst putter that you ever did see

When you see me stabbing on the green

And they laughing and they scream

All the trash talk they wish to dis me with

But they know I'm the king of the four jerks

Ah ha ha

Look at them guys looking at me like I'm a fool

Ah but deep down inside they know four putts rule

I said now,

I said now the moment of truth has finally come

When I was gonna do some, some of that four jerk

All right, now I want to hear a little bit

of the drums by the caddie here

All right, now I want to hear a little bit of

bass with those double snowmen

All right, now let's hear the caddiemaster fall in

All right now everybody, I see you blastin’

Ah you're cooking, you're smoking

Come on people can you sink it?

Copyright R.E.Kelly 2012-2018

AMDG