The Golden Bears’ Majors Record Preservation Society 2015

All right, gentlemen, let’s get started.  Hear ye, hear ye, with the 2015 Masters Tournament just concluded, the first meeting of The Golden Bear’s Majors Record Preservation Society in the year 2015 will now come to order.  (Gavel slams on banquet table, drinks spill, another round quickly ordered.)  Mr. Hogan, are all the former champions here?  

Yes, Mr. Jones.  We also invited the new champion, Jordan Spieth, who is barely old enough to join us in the consumption of libations this evening. All the more for us. But he is certainly old enough to kick a few more mature behinds on the golf course.

Mr. McIlroy is here.  Rory, lad, don’t feel the heat too much, Mr. Spieth has potential but is not the next Boy Wonder just yet.  Practice hard, stop throwing clubs in the drink and you should be fine. Oh, and Mr. Jones, please remind Mr. Spieth that the Green Jacket is not Lord Stanley’s Cup.  The Green Jacket Over America tour is unbecoming for a Masters champion.  

Mr. Mickelson is here.  Mr. Bridesmaid of the U.S. Open (six second-place finishes) adds his initial second-place finish in the Masters to his list of accomplishments.  Sorry, FIGJAM.  Better luck in the Cadillac Match Play this week.  Oops, sorry about that.  Back to you, Mr. Jones.

Thank you, Mr. Hogan.   So, let’s be brief.  Mr. Woods failed to win this week, despite a decent comeback showing.  So, Slammin’ Sammy, are you good?

Yes, Mr. Jones.  Safe and sound with my 82 wins.

Mr. Nicklaus, you of the game with which I am still not familiar, are you good with your 18 wins?  Nice hole-in-one by the way.  Brought back memories, didn’t it?  The roar of the crowd must have felt good; it did wonders for me.  

Yes, Bobby, it did.  And seeing a young man like Mr. Spieth demonstrate such skill and fortitude on your golf course brought back memories as well.  I can’t wait to watch that young McIlroy fella and Mr. Spieth go at it for the next decade or so.  Rivalries are good for golf.  Just ask Arnie or Tom about that.    

All right then.  We are convened until we meet again in June at Chambers Bay, sloped tee boxes and all.  Bring your mackintosh.  There’s a reason the U.S. Open has never been held in the Great Northwest, East Coast media bias notwithstanding. 

AMDG

(c) R.E.  Kelly 2012-2015