The Life Of A Goof

If one has a sense of humor, (and I assume you do if you are reading this) then no reading experience is complete without reading P.G. Wodehouse.    Born in 1881 in the UK, Wodehouse spent the last 73 years of his life writing some of the funniest stories in the English language,  He created immortal characters such as Jeeves, and  Bertie Wooster. His lampoons of the aristocratic class are savage and on point.  But for us readers, Wodehouse’s lifelong love of golf is most important.  He wrote several books about golf, many of which are narrated by the Oldest Member of Wodehouse’s fictional golf club.  The stories are simply hilarious, must reading for every duffer with a sense of humour.  Just as one’s life reading list must include S.J. Perlman, Robert Benchley and James Thurber, Wodehouse is required reading for the humorist in our souls as well.

Unadulterated Genius - Ask Jeeves!

Here are some examples of his wit and wisdom concerning the greatest game on earth:

Men capable of governing empires fail to control a small white ball, which presents no difficulties whatever to others with one ounce more brain than a cuckoo clock. I wish to goodness I knew the man who invented this infernal game. I'd strangle him.

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

And finally:

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

The parody below was inspired by a Wodehouse story in which a man observes a golf lesson being given to his girlfriend  inside the home by another gentleman friend.  Wodehouse’s character mistakes the golf lesson  for something entirely different.   

The Uproar of the Butterflies

Imagine, as Wodehouse does, that you are viewing the action from the rear, a situation in which a man is nestled against the female with his arms around her, holding a golf club.  Since the viewer cannot see the club, it is reasonable for the viewer to misapprehend the explicit verbal instructions concerning holding an object about waist level, to his girlfriend, with a firm grip.  Double entendres abound.  Pronate, baby, supinate!

ANYWAY YOU WANT IT

Performed by Journey

Songwriter/Composer:

Steven Ray Perry

Neal J. Schon

Publishers:

Lacey Boulevard music

Weed High Nightmare Music

Any way you grip it
That’s the way to rip  it
Any way you grip it

She loves to golf
She loves to swing
She shakes everything
She loves to hook
She loves to slice
She loves the golfin’ things

Ooh, all round, all round
Oh, every round
So grip right, grip tight
Ooh baby rip it

Oh, she said,
Any way you grip it
That’s the way to rip  it
Any way you grip it
She said, Any way you grip it
That’s the way to rip  it
Any way you grip it


I played alone
I never knew
What twosome golf could do
Ooh, Then we played
rode the same cart
and it was all over

Ooh, all day, all day               
Oh, every day
So swing right, swing right
Ooh baby, supinate

Oh, she said,
Any way you grip it
That’s the way to rip  it
Any way you grip it
She said, Any way you grip it
That’s the way to rip  it
Any way you grip it

AMDG^TM

© 2012-15 R.E. Kelly